Pesh (peshpeters) wrote in switchspace,

What happens when a Master wants to bottom?

I am Master to my slave. In my local community, everyone pretty much sees me as a Dom. And to be honest, I like being seen as a Dom in general. I feel better about myself when I'm expressing my dominance, and I feel like I get more respect as well. Not as a person (obviously, I don't think submissives are less deserving of respect), but because dominance I think naturally commands respect more, especially from men.

However, since I started in bdsm, I've always considered myself a switch. When I started experimenting with bonds way back when, I enjoyed both tying and being tied, and even did a lot of self-bondage. Bondage itself is arousing for me, regardless of whether I'm the top or the bottom. However, I only see myself as a switch in the sense of "bottoming." I've yet to meet someone who I felt made me feel actually submissive, in the sense of my desire to obey in order to please someone else. Rather, I really just enjoy the experience of being bound, and receiving the sexual or S&M sensations.

This is something that's become more and more a problem between me and my slave, because we've gotten more and more into the Master/slave relationship, and she now finds it impossible to comfortably see me in a bottoming role. The idea of seeing her Master as someone who is "below" her, or anyone else for that matter.... it's almost physically hard for her to bear.

This is a problem now, because I've never lost my "switchy" side. We used to play occasionally with her topping me, but that's become rarer and rarer. Now it's something that I worry about trying because it might upset our Master/slave dynamic. And while she's perfectly fine with me dominating other girls (in fact, really enjoys it when I do), she also is reluctant to accept me playing as a bottom to someone else.

Now, I know some people are just going to say "well, this might be a hard limit for her, so you might have to just accept that and live without switching, or else find someone else." Let me first say, the second is not an option. We are married, have a child, and I have no intention or desire to leave her, especially over this. Secondly, while my desire to switch may be a difficult thing for her to accept, she also, as a slave, has a hard time accepting that she is denying her Master something that he wants. So she has a very hard time with this situation, as you might guess.

I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through this same kind of situation, where the one partner's desire to switch was a problem with the other. Please share your thoughts.
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