write_naked (write_naked) wrote in switchspace,

Question from a new member

Hey everyone,

I sought out this community to try and get some help with some problems I've been having. My partner and I (we're both female bodied) have been together for about a year and a half, and kink has always been an important and pervasive part of our life. We switch, but generally she prefers subbing and I prefer topping, which generally works out pretty well. In her previous relationships she spent a lot more of her daily life in scene than she does with me; most of our kink happens in a sexual sphere separate from the rest of our lives. So far this hasn't been an issue.

Here is what is complicated about this situation; we haven't been having sex very much recently. In the past few months I've been diagnosed with a chronic illness which makes me feel very sore and tired pretty much all the time, regardless of what I do. I'm dealing with that and the side effects from my medication, which cause many yeast infections and general loss of libido. It's hard, because when I feel like having sex, I don't have as much physical energy and strength as I used to, so it's harder for me to top. I also don't have the emotional energy that I used to have, so it's becoming even more difficult to work in the psychological aspect of kink- which as I'm sure you'll understand is absolutely vital. To further complicate it, heterosexual descriptions of kink that I've come across to look for inspiration and ideas have very little to do with how we identify. For example, she subs from a more masculine space, I don't like penetration (which is an old new thing- I used to really hate it, she warmed me up to it, and now that I'm on that damn medicine I can't do it anymore), and we're both butch dykes.

I was never involved in kink before I got sick; pretty much everything I know about it comes from her and my friend who are more involved in the community. I guess what I'm asking is if anybody else has ever dealt with topping and chronic illness, or any of these issues, and if you have any suggestions about how to deal with it. I've been all over the internet looking for resources, and despite all the stuff that's out there about sex and disability, and kink, and kink and disability, and dykes and kink, and dykes and disability, and genderfuck and kink, there seems to be nothing that unites them all!  So if you have any suggestions for place to go, folks to talk to, or communities to join, I'd love to hear them.  Thanks very much.

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